LIFTING THE 'MALE' VEIL

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/lifting-male-veil-karen-joy-langley

© 2016   EMOTIONAL SKILLS TRAINING (4-MEN)™

Author: Joy Langley

...lifting The 'Male' Veil 

>>Hi Mr. X

...So kind of you to take the time to write to me. Yes, talking about this subject is beginning to feel like the ultimate ‘taboo’ -  almost a dirty secret.

“What? ...ordinary men speaking up and being given a platform to say what they feel? (scandalous!)”

It’s becoming a crazy passion right now, flying the 'Blue Flag' for men, and investigating these issues. It’s also helping me to find like-minded souls such as yourself, which would never have been possible :) Have an awesome day!

>>HELLO JOY

My sincere apologies for delay in my response. Your mission is both exciting and intriguing at the same time ….let me know if I could be of some help? Look forward …Have a great day

THE SECRET WORLD OF MEN

Investigating the secret world of men has been like lifting off the male veil, a hidden, almost forbidden world.

To say it’s been a mind-blowing, shocking, and enlightening experience is an understatement.

Either (a) I’ve spent too much time in front of my computer or (b) I’ve led a very sheltered life or (c) both!

EVERYBODY HATING EVERYBODY VIDEOs

Men hating women youtube videos …women hating men videos …and everybody hating everybody videos! Has the world gone crazy, or is there an historical:

underlying fear and ‘suspicion’ of the opposite sex which no one dares to talk about? 

If you’re feeling extra brave and really want to ‘Man-Up’ and put hairs on your chest, then delve into the reddit and quora forums, and the youtube world of ‘Men Going Their Own Way’ with (can you believe it) their own tag : MGTOW

...be my guest. You have been warned!  

(please let me know of any other sites good/bad you come across …I am compiling a hit list)

AFTER A STRONG GLASS OF WINE

On a positive note, after a strong glass of wine the world developed a soft haze.  I then found some great Personal Development sites that bought my blood pressure back to normal. Cue the Rocky Balboa anthemic soundtrack.

Men running websites, programs, workshops & retreats  – exclusively for men?

I can hear the extreme man-hating, feminists rumbling & grumbling, choking on their skinny lattes (stay calm ladies). I can also hear the extreme, homophobic, macho men stopping their bar brawls & spitting blood.

Although this felt weird at first, it struck me …why not? Women have a group for this, a group for that and they’re run by women – for women. So why can’t men form Personal Development groups that strengthen them in a positive way?

JOY’s SERIOUS SIDE

On a more serious note men are literally “dying” for a conversation, not about football, or the latest gadget or about some badass TV show (or what’s going on downstairs). The male suicide figure globally is 3-4 times higher than that of women. Why? Isn't this something we should all be concerned about? And I see you ...even I chuckled that perhaps it's women making men go stir-crazy.

CALL TO ACTION : WOMEN

This message and the issues I'm raising are not just men’s problems. Men and women co-exist in the same universe. Damn it, they even get married! So whether we like it or not, we are part of the problem (a) in the way that we choose to raise our boys. And we are part of the solution  (b) in the way that we choose to help (or ignore) our men who want to do the 'emotional thing' differently to their male ancestors.

I NEED TO ASK YOU A FAVOUR …

I need to ask you a favour (men and women). In order to develop an online course that you actually want, and one that addresses the problems you face, please spare 3mins to respond to my quick survey: (…so that I can optimise and share my coaching and therapy knowledge & wisdom )

1) What can I help you to do? ...in a better way than you have ever done before.

2) What can I help you to be? ...in a better way than you have ever been before.

3) What can I help you to create? ...in a better way than you have ever created before.

 Just send your answer in the following format:

1)...x. : 2)...y : 3) ...z

No major typing needed. One word answers are great (...unless you want to say more) thank you!

Joy

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Private message me OR  email me : joy@catchathought.co.uk

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Spread The Word! Share with your Friends …

Join the EST 4-Men Mailing List (Emotional Skills Training 4 men) – be kept in the loop http://www.emotionalskillstraining4men.com

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...I SALUTE U! 

( The Roll Call of Honour CURRENTLY stands @ 10 men)

Just a handful of 10 great men  I’ve come across so far during my conversations with men across the globe, who’ve spared the time to speak to little ‘ol Joy and share their Man Wisdom with me  ..and I hope will continue to do so into the future.

Roger Piovesana, Account Management (Business Devt & Expansion) (USA) https://www.linkedin.com/in/roger-piovesana

Jason Wilson of ‘Saving Our Boys’ (USA) http://thecaveofadullam.org/2016/08/03/gofundme-saving-boys/

Andrew Ferebee ‘Knowledge for Men’ (USA)  https://www.youtube.com/user/KnowledgeforMen  

Clive Maxheath ‘The Men’s Action Project (MAP)’ (UK) https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVdynorUl9p_O3Pqq5Ka4jg , https://www.linkedin.com/in/clive-maxheath

Sudip Mukerjee, Trainer, NLP Coach / Consultant / Writer (India) https://www.linkedin.com/in/sudip-mukerjee

Robert Martin, Automotive Financial Services Manager / Coach (Canada) https://www.linkedin.com/in/robert-martin

Chaim Dunbar, Performance Artist/ Humanitarian (USA)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDzuBRSFGdw , https://www.linkedin.com/in/chaimdnbr

Roger Dennison, Personal Performance Coach (UK)  https://www.linkedin.com/in/rogerdennison  

Glen Poole, Journalist, Trainer/Coach Founder of Stop Male Suicide (Australia)  https://stopmalesuicide.com/2016/01/22/learning-to-listen-to-stop-male-suicide/ , https://www.linkedin.com/in/glen-poole-a83a88120

Mankind Project (International)  

http://mankindproject.org/mankind-project-regions-and-communities

ARTICLE first published  @ :

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/lifting-male-veil-karen-joy-langley

In Search of the Meaning of "LIFE"

Are You Searching For The “Meaning of Life”?

At what stage of life do you ask that big question “what’s the meaning of life?” Then (as if this wasn’t enough) an even more sinister question lurks in the wings “what’s the point of being here then?”

I want to share a part of my private psychological journey from girlhood to womanhood, with a couple of insights into the destructive thoughts that used to control my life. Scary dark secrets that tormented me, wiping out my self-esteem and confidence.  Secrets about me kept well-hidden from the world.

My rude awakening to depression, worry and anxiety (plus suicidal thoughts) hit me during my early twenties once I entered the world of work and realised I hated every mind-numbing minute of it.  From being a reasonably happy-go-lucky teenager without a clear career path, I’d never questioned the purpose of work, nor experienced the shame, confusion and utter despair of depression.

And this is when my first destructive, distorted thought reared it’s head:  “I am weak, depression only happens to weak people.”

Let me rewind. Things nose-dived when I finished university in the early 70′s. Wearing my over-sized rose tinted glasses, plus a belief that the world owed me a living, this was my first major disappointment in life. It felt unfair, it felt personal and hurt like hell. After all my hard work and sacrifice damn it!

Then came my second destructive, distorted train of thought: “I am stupid and I am a failure, my friends have amazing careers. I am not good enough and I am not deserving.”

Amidst the shock and pain, the academic snob in me resented taking on menial jobs  – typing and clerical work plus pandering to pompous men in suits. I was so ashamed and had never felt such self loathing. Jealously, anger, sadness and disappointment became part of my emotional landscape; take your pick, I had them all. I even stopped seeing old friends because I thought they would reject me, exposing my inferiority complex.

Cue destructive thought number three: “I am inferior, everyone is better than me. I am defective.”

It wasn’t long before depression (which I wore like a familiar overcoat) joined forces with it’s friend anxiety. They accompanied me wherever I went. This miserable duo snuck into my handbag on the weary London underground journey to work, and fuelled scary thoughts about how much better off I’d be under a train (than in it).

I wish someone had told me that depression wasn’t a rite of passage into adulthood. And I wish someone had also explained that it generated obsessional thoughts that made you hate yourself, other people and the world. No one ever did and it felt like a big conspiracy to cause me maximum pain and distress. No one else seemed to have my problem (or so I thought). All my friends and family were getting on with their lives and it felt like I was the only “defective” human on the planet.

I ended up finding relief in chocolate! I felt mildly better after consuming bars of it (although fatter) and the depression temporarily died down on Friday evenings. But it returned with a vengeance on Sunday evenings at the stomach churning thought of returning to work on Monday morning.

I spent a couple of years in this uncomfortable, nervous space, hiding my depression from everyone, including my family.  Why had no one spotted the sad empty look in my eyes? On the outside I appeared to be working hard (powering through unbearable nine to five jobs), whilst  on the inside my soul was dying from lack of purpose and fulfilment.

In my mid twenties I found myself with no boyfriend, another pitiful job this time in the cynical world of marketing (which made me long to become a nun) and depression. Could things get any worse?  You’ll be pleased to know I managed to turn things around.  Read part two to find out who helped me get back on my feet, how I utilised the power of positive thinking and affirmations, and my first discovery about  “the meaning of life”.

first published in Eve Rebooted: courtesy of Jo Taylor

http://everebooted.com/articles/14005931http://everebooted.com/articles/14005931